Notes on Styling | 44 | When you doubt yourself, speak from the heart..

...and dress from there too.

Hello my Lovelies and Happy Easter to you all!

Like most women, I like to put pressure on myself. Pressure on my writing here. Pressure on what I achieve. I also doubt all my clothing choices. Ever.

Then I try to remember who I am, why I write here and the good stuff that’s gotten me to this place.

Day-to-day for me involves being 1 to 1 with my lovely clients and I only have 2 or 3 that I work with at any one time. We zoom. I visit their homes and their wardrobes (some in Ireland, some are in the UK) and it’s personal. For me and for them.

I hear their stories and personal challenges, which have impacted how they see themselves, dress themselves and how they have bought for their wardrobes up to this point. Lots of things we talk about are not related to clothes at all. But how they could not find the time to put themselves first for a long time. Along with a myriad of other conversations that have led them to this place.

In between the softness of these sessions, I come back to this place, where I write to you and I try to have that natural softness I know my coaching has. I know I have. But the internet can be a complex place. I find it hard to write here with the softness, which I know is me. To write more of what’s in my heart and less of what I put pressure on myself to ‘create’. 

With the lens of social media, and so much of people’s content being centred on things you can buy and people who we lead ourselves to believe are living better lives because of their lovely clothes - I don’t want this place to be that. It’s not real or true. Deep down we all know this. But the internet clouds our vision of what’s real and what’s not. It’s never felt quite right to me to share what I wear (not because it’s perfect or always stylish… eh, I wish) but more so, I know the lens many of us consume content like this and it can be through the lens of comparison and I know my work with my lovely clients in person is far from that.

I don’t want you to buy anything or compare yourself to anyone until you know what feels good to you.

I really oscillate on this one because then I also know when I had my previous brand (Stylefish), I purposely made it not about me, (I thought a pink fish was a good distraction). It was about the ‘brand’ I was building (as the Dragons used to tell me). This too was wrong. People did come to me because they trusted me. Sharing my struggles, thoughts and journey to buying well for me is part of what helps my clients too. Sharing good things I did love, spend my money on and recommend helped too.

Brown is a new colour I am really experimenting with the last few months. This is Uniqlo’s Cashmere Men’s Jumper in (XL); Vintage Levi’s from a second had store in Exeter; Arket Leather Belt and Everlane Leather Boots (honestly these boots are the most comfortable things! Also, note their sizing is American so a 8.5 is a size 6).

I guess this is all to say that the truth of it is, we all mould ourselves, our thoughts and our behaviours according to many things and for many reasons - usually that are hard to see and explain. But it is the lens we are working with and softly shifting over time.

I am finding my way with how to be myself here, and express the work I do - writing from the heart and trying not to write what I think the internet expects of me or because of some imaginary self-imposed pressure to do things a certain way. I remind myself that the things I love to read the most are simple and personal and I like to get genuine recommendations from people I trust and like.

I know I won’t always get it perfect but I want to make sure you know that this place is not about buying for the sake of buying. It is about connecting you to the idea that you can begin to see what good looks like for you. It’s about creating a picture you can play with that isn’t about anyone else.

So, in the spirit of ‘softening’ things for myself, I am changing my own self imposed writing rules for the next few months. A little personal experiment. I might pop into your inbox during the week instead of always on a Sunday (crazy, I know!). I will write as I have things to share rather than the rigidity of always the same time. I will go easier on myself and see what naturally unfolds and how it impacts the things I want to say and to see if it helps soften my voice here too. The creative in me will enjoy experimenting!

Maybe you can ask yourself - what self-imposed pressures you hold? How can you ‘soften’ them for yourself? What might that look like?

Happy Easter to you all and thank you for being here. It’s never taken for granted.

I would LOVE any thoughts on today’s posts so please feel free to email me (hi@juliecobbe.ie) or drop into the comments below.

If you have someone in your life you think would like it here, please do share.

Julie x

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