Notes on Styling | Ask Julie Anything #1
Welcome my lovelies, to the first edition of …..drum roll…..Ask Julie Anything.
It will come as no surprise to some of you, that teaching is what feels like the most natural way for me to exist in the world. It is in me. Annoying I’m sure for my family most of the time. When it comes to styling, I love diving deep into topics to pull the weeds apart and see the truth. By really exploring, you can feel something shift that feels bigger than just your clothes. Something opens up for you. A new way to look at the thing.
I feel in my heart that answering your questions here might become genuinely one of my favourite ways to connect with you and to feel we are sharing together, in a cosy little space where things can feel honest.
I won’t have any rules around how many posts I will answer but here is your open invitation to reach me anytime (hi@juliecobbe.ie) with any questions you would like to ask or even perhaps share deeper feelings you might have about how your style is holding things back for you, how you know something needs to shift but finding exactly where to press the button is tricky and your not sure what will happen if you do. Please don’t be alone, please ask ◡̈
..when it comes down to it, what helps us most to take steps forward is to share different thoughts, perspectives and ideas. To just be able to see things differently or perhaps it’ll be as easy as knowing where to click to find exactly what you’ve been looking for.
Here’s Today’s Question:
(thanks so much for sending this amazing thought-provoking question).
I’ve struggled for so long to make a change for myself and my style. How to I actually reinvent my style and make it stick?
- Yours, Niamh.
Phew, this was a big and meaty one for my first question. I could feel Niamh’s feelings jumping off the page with this one. First thing is to say that you are not alone.
I think we can all say we have felt like this at one time or another. That want for reinvention and connection to something that you see others have, a style that seems together in appearances, on the street. I get it. It is magic to have that feeling and I want it for you so much.
It is my experience that most of the time big style changes don’t last simply because we have come to expect too much from clothes. When we go to a personal stylist or even just ask the shop assistants opinion on the shop floor we can go into a sort of make-over mindset (I blame 90’s TV make-over shows) wanting to be a completely different person via one outfit. But the truth is we want our clothes to do the deeper work too. To make us feel different inside about ourselves. I get that, I do. But they won’t. Connecting to a style you love, starts with connecting to a you, you love.
So, slowly and gently is the only way to begin. Acceptance of where you feel you are at and giving yourself some love. Not everything can be perfect in our lives all the time and our style is not always important and that’s the truth.
Begin by reminding yourself that you have the power to make a change if that’s what you want. Once you have taken that deep breath of acceptance of where you feel you are currently at, it’s time to move forward slowly and gently. Reinvention is not a make-over. It’s much deeper than that especially if you want it to stick.
The trick to figuring out what you will really love to wear, is to first work within your own style boundaries.
Everyone has Natural Style Preferences. Even though you might not love your clothes right now, what are the categories you default too day to day? Permit yourself to like what you like. Your current Natural Style Preferences are what will guide your style evolution - are you a dresses girl? Or bottoms and a top girl?
Expanding and exploring within what you already like is easier than learning to like things that are completely different to begin with. You might like dresses in the future but this will come from first building your confidence within what feels most like you now.
Think of it as little steps keeping you in line with your most natural uniform while building yourself up to try something new and take things a little more outside your comfort zone.
A good way to begin is on a Tuesday ◡̈ Funny I know. But think about it. Monday is the start of a new week and we can have that all-or-nothing mindset as we get dressed. We tend to go all out on a Monday. But on a Tuesday, we are more our natural selves. What do you gravitate towards wearing when your going out on a Tuesday? This might be closest to your Natural Style Uniform.
Are you a trouser and top kind of gal? Are those tops cosy and fitted or maybe oversized and vintage? Maybe you prefer easy dresses and quirky heels? Picture and write down what you know about your Natural Preferences right now.
Then it’s time to explore a little more of the personal. Let’s call them your Style Guideposts for now.
(A lovely little exercise here before you go into style detail is to take out a pen and paper (on a day when your feeling particularly confident) and take some time to imagine a version of you a little in the future. Now this is not next year but tomorrow or next week when you can picture yourself having a really great day. Crystallise some of the ideas and thoughts that come to mind about what this ‘you’ looks and feels like. What are you wearing? and how do you come across? Let these ideas help you below).
Then let some free-flowing thinking answer these questions:
Think of 3 words you would love to be using right now to describe your ideal style? Let’s say they are grungy, casual & natural.
What details make up this style that you can see? Are there patterns and colours for example or do things looks loose or fitted? Maybe you can picture a small amount of detail or just one or two things.
What are the key wardrobe pieces you feel you would need, to begin to start to create this look?
Once you begin to understand a little more about what you would love your style to look and feel like to you, you can begin to create a plan to help you get there.
A Pinterest Board is a great place to begin to bring this style to life in outfits. It also really helps you to see the reality of the picture in your head.
Using this picture you have created, you can begin to think of shops that feel aligned with what you want to build. You can see how you can cut out so many also that you’ve been shopping in for years. You can use the words you picked against things that catch your eye at to see if they feel aligned with your words. You can even identify things you are likely to wear even if they feel a little outside your comfort zone because they feel aligned to your words and pictures (even when they feel a little scary).
You have a way to gauge making this change by asking yourself does this look & feel ‘grungy, casual & natural’.
Finally, knowing how you want to look helps you edit your current wardrobe. You now have a style vision to see why you haven’t been wearing items you own.
A Picture to Build From - GRUNGY, CASUAL, NATURAL
You can then begin to have fun creating outfits that feel they have a mix of your words, Grungy, Casual & Natural. You can see if it feels more one way or another and add or take away an item that helps tilt the balance. Perhaps this look below needs a little more grunge with some vintage sunglasses or maybe a less ‘chic’ blazer?
Making real change starts with holding a picture in your minds eye about where you are going. If you hold that picture long and steady enough it eventually comes into focus. It is a journey to begin to step into this new place with real truth and confidence and it also means embracing a messy middle when it will be hard and disconnected and like your never going to ‘get it’. You will, trust me BUT there is no quick fix to real change. It takes time, work and patience and that’s the truth and usually it takes help to see the things you can’t see because you are so close to yourself!
HOW STYLE DESIGN & COACHING CAN HELP
I think it’s worth noting here that slow and steady is the approach I take with clients who want to make a big change on my Style Design & Coaching Programme. There are defined parts to the journey and each one has to be passed through to fully own and feel comfortable with the next bit. I have two maps I talk about with clients, a ‘Style Map’ and ‘Outfit Map’. By having this clear personal picture, it becomes so much easier to focus on you and not external reasons for buying or wearing something. It takes time for your heart to fully feel and experiment with a new look, a new way. For a time, it can feel sort of like a pendulum swinging from side to side until it eventually feels ready to settle somewhere middle.
In summary
Go easy on yourself and remember, that change takes time and lasts longer when you go slowly and gently.
STEP ONE Look at what you gravitate towards wearing on an average day when you feel good enough. What are the types of clothes you feel like yourself in? These are your Natural Style Preferences and are a good place to begin to understand yourself better.
STEP TWO Explore some Style Ideas/ Goalposts that you like the idea of. Words you would love to use to describe something you wear, colours that feel good to you. Is there lots of patterns or very little pattern in this new picture? Create 5 or 6 ideas that you can begin with. Maybe pictures work better for you, in which case try Pinterest.
STEP THREE Take these ideas and bring them to your wardrobe door. Try to create 2 outfits using the ideas you are gravitating towards, with what you already own. Dig into the back of your wardrobe to things you’ve never worn. Really try to approach this with an open and creative mindset. I bet your current clothes might surprise you and you might have enough to begin to feel different already.
STEP FOUR Commit to trying out these two outfits (out of the house) in the next week and see how they feel. This is the beginning of tuning into this new picture you have created. Before you buy, before you edit, before you do anything else - you have to build a picture.
Feel it, see it, experience it and be proud of yourself for beginning ◡̈
Yay, we have completed our first-ever - Ask Julie Anything! Thanks for reading and I hope it resonated for you.
Everybody wants to make big changes at times. The fact that you asked the question shows you are ready for a new chapter. Just remember, no matter what the make-over shows say, doing it slow and steady in a way you really feel you have ownership of is what makes all the difference - I believe in you.
Email me your questions to explore anytime - hi@juliecobbe.ie
Julie x
I loved this AMA, Julie! Would like to see more of this from you in the future. 🙌