Notes on Styling | 30 | Regaining your sense of self & styling friends - (with lots of looks for you this week).
Comparing yourself to others is hard. Comparing yourself to someone you used to be and have lost is even harder.
There are times when life feels like it’s shifted. A change so big that everything you knew before feels scrambled up. You don’t quite know how to climb out and see yourself again. Be yourself again.
It’s funny I wrote about babies last week (and my journey with this) as my friends are having enough to keep a small army busy. One of my closest friends, Caroline has two beautiful little boys (Alfie, her eldest is my godson) and she is, in her words, just coming out of the baby haze to find she’s sort of lost her sense of who she is. Her boys are 4 and 2.
Over the years I’ve styled so many new mums going through this huge transition and I feel lucky I have never not been considered because I haven’t lived this experience. But, it can be dangerous territory styling friends and family, and in most cases, I don’t. Those closely-knit relationships make it hard to step into an objective place. I know too much. It can be hard to stand above the clouds as I do with other clients seeing all the parts that make up their whole style picture. My sister often says ‘not a hope’ when I’m feeling particularly brave and ask!
Until a month ago that is. I was chatting to Caroline on our annual weekend together in London. Space had opened up inside her for this discussion. That’s the thing with being ready. You just feel it. Caroline and I went to school together. I have dressed her up in a human-sized unicorn costume for her hen party (she wouldn’t let me share that picture!) and was with her in college as we both navigated changing bodies, changing lives, changing style. She bought her wedding dress from one of those dodgy Chinese websites and looked a million dollars in the cheap tulle and a sparkly bodice. We mulled over the pros and cons of this decision before she ordered it and both said ‘feck it’. Give it a go!
I would say she loves style but hates shopping. Never one to buy a fashion mag or follow any particular trends but she is a magpie, drawn to the sparkliest heels and most interesting get-up (particularly for a night out). She wore the coolest metallic blue dress (whilst pregnant) to my wedding that she bought from that lovely boutique in Rathmines, Beautiful South. She probably paid more for this dress than her own wedding dress.
She takes fashion as she sees it and has fun with it.
But her nonchalance around fashion and shopping or perhaps simply not having any time to put into it has meant, her everyday wardrobe has started feeling dowdy to her (her words). Alongside this, there’s that thing of, what you can ‘throw on’ in your 20’s and 30’s’ and feel perfectly stylish can begin to feel not so great anymore. You need a more grown-up approach to achieve the same result. Quirky & glitzy no longer fits. She also isn’t that girl anymore.
What do you do when you need to regain your balance, your sense of self, your style mojo? Navigating it is hard on your own.
And so, we had a lonngggg coffee that day and dug into some style discovery. She decided to trust me to put together some looks for her. I wanted to help. It was just a gentle beginning. Something she could start with.
That’s what I want to share today.
A little of this new exploration for Caroline and some of the looks I sent her to mull over.
Style Discovery with Caroline
With all clients making a change, the first part of the journey I call Style Discovery.
From asking her questions, I gathered some of the key ideas I would focus on for her Styling Boards. Without overwhelming her, I created a picture in my own head first with a loose colour direction, (fresh bright tones with a cosy neutral backdrop), the style words I would play with for her - fresh, modern and playful and a key styling goal, which was to give her a couple of new outfit formulas (trouser shapes was a big one to get away from skinny jeans) that work for her petite (5”3) frame.
This journey is about using clothes to create a new picture. It’s about Caroline being able to see how things can look and feel different but still feel aligned with who she is and what she loves. She is a creative (wedding cake designer) person with a softness and a can-do approach that all define what she likes to wear and feels like herself in.
Within the boards are lots of little learnings that aren’t just about the clothes. It’s about being introduced to new brands that offer something fresh. It’s about how those brands and items are put together so she feels the style we chatted about (and those style words) coming to life. She’s used to popping into Zara & Mango. I am using Hush, Free People, Oliver Bonas and Sezane alongside what she is familiar with. Old and new. Gentle steps.
**A key focus for me is how I will bring in the word playful into the looks through our little details. I think playful is core to Caroline’s character but it needs to live alongside the other parts of her too. She bought a pair of blue sunglasses from the very cool brand Cutbitts with me in London and loves them so much. This was a great starting point for me - how one fun element, like the glasses, can inject this idea of play. I’ve used these sunglasses in a number of the looks below.
Caroline’s Styling Boards
All items in the looks below are linked in the description below the look. You can also click on any look to be brought into the complete Styling Boards. There are 14 looks below and 23 in total on her boards when you click through. Lots of looks carry something from the last so you can see how key items build a great wardrobe.
Two Christmas looks with our same styling direction in mind - fresh, modern, playful for Caroline’s 5”3 frame with a fun, stylish feel.
When you begin to build a new picture of your style, it is the doing, the play and the creativity that helps you to see yourself again. It isn’t about things being perfect.
It is about feeling like there is a new path you can take and it will begin to shift something inside. Your clothes can be one of the things that will help you lean into this new place, find your new equilibrium and ultimately feel like you again.
Hold a picture of yourself long and steadily enough in your mind's eye and you will be drawn toward it. Great living starts with a picture, held in your imagination, of what you would like to do or be.”
See you all just before the holidays for one last post,
Julie x